If you approach counseling a couple where there is physical or verbal abuse as if you are doing marriage counseling, then you have already derailed and are hurting the victim even further.  You cannot address this like you would a difference-of-opinions type argument expecting to work things out in a reasonable way.  When violence is involved, violence changes everything.   This is a domestic violence situation and its not just a disagreement.  Don’t make it worse. Get out of the way and get experienced abuse counselors involved immediately.