Sometimes Domestic Violence doesn’t make the front page when it should.

A momentous, life changing new law just got passed protecting Domestic Violence victims and this story was buried on page 18.  The news that made it on to page 1 was good, but not as impactful … {sigh} … such as homecoming weekend, 50th class reunion, new media center at the high school, a new restaurant, and new murals downtown.

Subject:  Your disheartening choice of front page stories

Dear Editor of the Ephrata Review,

Just like so many people in this world, I don’t expect you to have known these statistics, but now you will know them going forward.  😊  We all need to learn together.

I found a BIG story buried on page eighteen of this week’s Review – The Domestic Violence news on the governor’s signing of the Pennsylvania bill last week that requires the surrender of fire arms by accused abusers within 24 hours of being arrested.  What you don’t know is not one of your 10 story choices you made for the front page affect as many people as the DV story.  One in four women are a victim of DV and 1 in 7 men, and these numbers only account for these crimes that were reported to law enforcement and do not account for verbal abuse victims at all.  I don’t see anything on your page one that is as statistically as invasive into the lives of your readers than this breaking news.  I am not diminishing the wonderful stories and accomplishments on the cover, but I hope that since this is Domestic Violence Awareness month it will make the front page in the next week or two?

I know DV easily gets overshadowed by sharing October with Breast Cancer Awareness month but did you know that even though it’s still a disgustingly high number, with 1 in 8 women a victim of breast cancer, it does not affect as many women as domestic violence does in your neighborhood, workplace, church or synagogue?  DV is no respecter of persons, so you can’t escape it, but we are understandably not comfortable discussing or reading about it although it surrounds us all.

We seem to feel more comfortable putting Breast Cancer, or any cancer awareness on the front page of the Review and I get it.  I have found that there seems to be only one somewhat comfortable time to hear about Domestic Violence is when you or someone you love is a victim.  The rest of the time it’s just plain awkward.  I think the big difference between these two life-altering atrocities is that we still look at the victims of domestic violence as part of the problem and not an undeserving victim.  Being a victim means it came upon you without you having anything to do with it, like being a victim of cancer or a car accident.  I don’t think we are at a place yet where everyone views DV victims as being undeserving of the abuse they receive.

I think to make DV more palatable to discuss is that the next part of the dialogue that has to happen is realizing that the victim’s abuser will attack anything in its path that it wants control over.  The victim was a mere placeholder, a target.  If it wasn’t them, it would have been someone else.  Just like a tornado.  If you move into its path, you will become the next victim.  Being a victim of domestic violence needs to stop being a social disgrace just as being a victim of cancer moved away from having a hush-hush social stigma itself over time.  Quit focusing on the victim’s actions/reactions during the crime and then we have more of a chance that they will escape their captivity sooner than later.   If we educate and understand more about DV, we can then create a soft landing pad for victims when they are ready to take the leap.

Abuser’s use their close relationship or proximity to get into the hearts, heads and emotions of their victims.  They use marriage and intimate relationships as a tool, to create a controlling and brainwashing type of environment to have power over their victims.  It does not “take two” to have a fight or argument in a relationship where the goal of one of the partners is to abuse, punish and control.

Here’s a quote from a DV victim “I was just a… placeholder.  I could have been any woman.  It didn’t matter that it was me.  It didn’t matter what I said, how I said it, when I said it or how he interpreted it.  I could have been any other woman in the world and he would have still needed to exert power and control over any woman in that position as his wife.  I needed/ we need to remove the phrase “it takes two” from our vocabulary when talking to women in a DV situation.   We need to stop blaming the victim as if she could have stopped it.”

I think it’s time we quickly move up to the next level of dialogue about domestic violence.  Do you remember the first time you saw Breast Cancer being discussed in public and/or when the sports athletes started wearing pink in October?  This dramatic change moved the dialogue right into our living rooms, amongst mixed company, and now we know more and can discuss the topic freely.  Let’s please all do our part, and use our platforms and newspapers to educate everyone we can on this much avoided topic.

Oh, and by the way, kudos to the Ephrata Borough Police Department.  They didn’t need the Governor to sign this bill in to legislation last week, because they have been proactively requiring the surrender of guns by alleged abusers for many years, along with only a small number of other police departments in the state.

Renee Roberts Kopp

My NEWEST Anthem Song: “Listen to me. Am I loud enough?”


     Stumbled upon this song today. It showed up in my iTunes “hot list” of recommendations for me. With only the bare minimum knowledge of Latin, I did however recognize the word “voce” in the one song title to be the English word “voice”. Well that’s just enough of a nudge these days to peak my curiosity. So out of the four songs recommended for me, this song “Viva Voce” by The Rocketboys got my choice for a click through. One more click, entered my password, and ninety-nine cents later, I own it.

     WOW is my rating out of ten for this song.  It also gets my unsolicited vote to be THE anthem of 2015 for the Domestic Violence community.  It deeply touches on some lyrics really close to my heart also – speaking thanks to “my team”, as I have nicknamed them; those who continue lifting me up these last two plus years as I crawl out of my own silence, finding my voice …

“To all the people I know that listen
LISTEN TO ME, hallelujah!
To all the PEOPLE I know that PRAYED for me
For my safety, hallelujah!

CAN you HEAR me NOW?
I’m SINGING OUT as LOUD as I know how
But AM I LOUD enough?
I got MY VOICE and you got YOURS
so let’s make a little NOISE

The Rocketboys – “Viva Voce” (Lyrics Video)

When violence is involved, it changes everything


If you approach counseling a couple where there is physical or verbal abuse as if you are doing marriage counseling, then you have already derailed and are hurting the victim even further.  You cannot address this like you would a difference-of-opinions type argument expecting to work things out in a reasonable way.  When violence is involved, violence changes everything.   This is a domestic violence situation and its not just a disagreement.  Don’t make it worse. Get out of the way and get experienced abuse counselors involved immediately.

Thursday Thought — How to Support an Abuse Victim


A MUST READ for ANYONE who may at ANY TIME IN THEIR LIFE have a conversation of ANY length with a victim of verbal/physical abuse. (Note: verbal abuse always proceeds physical abuse in a relationship but verbal abuse doesn’t always evolve in to physical abuse. I lumped them together to be inclusive of all victims).

A Cry For Justice

If you would like to make a significant difference in the life of an abused woman you care about, keep the following principle fresh in your mind:  Your goal is to be the complete opposite of what the abuser is.

The Abuser:  Pressures her severely

So you should:  Be patient.  Remember that it takes time for an abused woman to sort out her confusion and figure out how to handle her situation.  It is not helpful for her to try to follow your timetable for when she should stand up to her partner, leave him, call the police, or whatever step you want her to take.  You need to respect her judgment regarding when she is ready to take action — something the abuser never does.

The Abuser:  Talks down to her

So you should:  Address her as an equal.  Avoid all traces of condescension or superior…

View original post 571 more words

You ask me why am I sharing my story? Reason # 2


tell your stories 2

I am sharing for the purpose of others seeing their story in mine – and then getting help and to safety for themselves and their children. I was looking for confirmation for many years that there was something wrong with my marriage or husband. I kept thinking it was me. I read books, went to counselors, asked friends. I never told anyone that I had been hit and my husband never ever apologized or thought what he did was wrong. I never told anyone of his rage and temper and control – I was pretty sure if I shared the darkest secrets I would pay for it later at home. I kept silent because he told me I was the whole problem, and I believed it was me too. He used my gifting of being outspoken against me. He told me with his actions that I shouldn’t have an opinion, or stand up for myself or my children because he was boss of the household. I share simply so other women will see what abuse looks like, how it disguises itself in the cloak of warped (not true) Christianity and twisted scriptures.

Why? Reason # 1


Why? (aka Why share your dirty laundry? just move on with life why don’t you?)

Reason #1:  I have been singing worship songs and actually meaning them … because of my private and outward expressions of surrender to the Lord to direct my footsteps… and because of telling Him regularly that I will do ANYthing, or go ANYwhere and say ANY message He would have for me to share. And then on 10/22/12, as I sat at the courthouse filing a protection order against my husband, it was all about feeling the burden, seeing the gap and hearing the urgency to join up with others gone before me and to become a beacon of hope to others who are still trapped in the bondage of abuse and slavery within their marriages. That day I felt, and I still continue to choose to walk boldly and not be afraid, and to allow my experiences with domestic violence (disguised as discipline in the cloak of misinterpreted scriptures) to be an encouragement to the captives left dense in the fog and to be a wake-up call to the free that have ears to hear the cry of the “least of these”.  If you ask me why – I will ask you “Since when do we get to pick the message He asks us to share?”

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior”

Lyrics from my inspiration song as I took the jump into the great unknown OCEANS (feet don’t fail me) by Hillsong [VIDEO with Lyrics]